Am I normal?

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I was asked to do babysitting by a friend. I am very happy because she treats me like other people. I told myself,  „look, you are normal!“. Wait, normal?  Are people without kids not normal?  WHY?!  I am surprised where and why I have this thought. It is discrimination,  like racialism, antisemitism, isn’t it?   I asked myself serval times why I think I am not normal.  No answer. It must come from somewhere, our culture? Our society? our family?  We understand different culture, accept people who have different religions, who are from different countries, who have different sex orientation…. But, people without kids? They are often thought not normal, sensitive, or sometimes selfish…… Who can help us to fight for a fair understanding of our life style?  No one will ask someone’s sex orientation, because we understand it is their life style. It is normal.  But we will always be asked „ Do you have kids? Why don’t you have kids?“  Even worse, if sometimes we do not want to drink a wine, we will be asked „Are you pregnant?“  I think there are always one thing in them, a woman will/must be pregnant. Even me, I even think I am not normal.  Maybe I am really too sensitive?  


Comments

  1. ElaineAugust 29, 2020 at 9:25 PM

    Dear TingTing,
    Oh how I know this thought! There were many times when I didn't feel "normal" either. I wrote a blog post about it, too, like you :-).
    Here is what I came up with as a reason for not feeling "normal": I think it has to do with the fact that families are the majority of the population and we are the minority. But as human beings we want to belong. We want to be part of the bigger group. We don't want to be different! We want to be accepted and understood. But very often, we are not understood in our grief because what we have lost is invisible to others. This can cause a feeling of isolation as well, which is hard to bear.
    There is nothing wrong with you, but I understand how you feel. I felt the same. You may be vulnerable (sensitive), as we all are in grief, but this is normal considering the circumstances. Wishing you strength and courage and sending much love,
    Elaine

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Different LifeAugust 31, 2020 at 10:44 AM

      Thank you so much Elaine. You are right, we want to be the majority. It is funny to find out what is in my head going on. Actually I always want to be differen, like clothes, hobbys, but for this thing....

      Delete
  2. Infertile PhoenixSeptember 2, 2020 at 4:41 AM

    I understand this feeling so much. For me, it got less with time. Well, I still feel like I'm not normal, but it doesn't bother me like it used to. Certain situations still bother me, like getting together with my whole family for the holidays and being the only woman that's not a mother. (However, it has been so long since I've seen anyone in my family, individually or all together, that I would just be happy to see them at this point.) You are not too sensitive. Enduring infertility is very raw. Thinking of you and I'm glad you started writing this blog <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A Different LifeSeptember 5, 2020 at 12:14 PM

      I know that feeling with family. I am not the only woman without kids in my family. But I still have exactly the same feeling like you. I suddently understand how sad or maybe angry my cousin felt (She is single. Everyone in the family tried to arrange a date for her.) .

      Delete
  3. MaliSeptember 3, 2020 at 3:32 AM

    I always wanted to be a little different, like you, too. But sometimes we just want to be normal. I think we grow into our situation, but it takes time. You're definitely not too sensitive. But it will get easier, I promise.

    ReplyDelete

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