adifferentlife

  Yesterday was my first day in the office after 2 weeks break. In my firm it is still corona time. It is recommend to do home office. I took my pill and waiting for pain. But I was OK, just felt a little bit not well. I do not know how to describe that. Did I loose a baby? Should I call it as a baby? It is just 7 weeks embryo. I even asked my IVF doctor 4 days ago, if there was really no hope any more. But his words hit me deeply. The embryo should be 2 times bigger now than 1 week ago. But it was not. It stopped to grow. In the office it was quiet. I was the only one. I even chose to stay longer because I am childless and have time. Just before I left the office, I saw two postcards of new born baby from my colleagues. They hurt me…. I even do not know how to describe my feeling, - jealous? definitely not, it is more like that why I could not have that happiness….. - sad? yes! - why?  because I could not be pregnant?  don’t know…… I do not hate my friends with kids. I l...

  To be honest I do not know.  English is not my mother tongue. I just want to write down what I am feeling. Why online? Because, except  my husband, I do not want to talk with any one abut my story of 4  unsuccessful  IVF cycles. - I do not want to have any mercy from my friends. Yes, I am a CNBC, but it does not mean my life is less happier than theirs. Yes, it is different, but it is not bad. - I do not let my friends thinking what/how they want to talk with me about their pregnancy or children. I do not hate friends with kids. I love to see their kid photos and go to their parties. Only one thing I do like when they complain about their chaotic days with kids. They do not know how happy they are. I always think I must be able to organize days better.   - I do not want to be given any „nice“ but „painful“ or better to say „know nothing about, just ideas from friends“ suggestions, like „you can try that, try this….“ „you can go to other countries, it is m...